Monday, September 14, 2015

9.6.15 – 9.14.15 // Journal Pages

Aloha Borgs,

Another week, another collection of pages! So let’s just jump right into it, shall we? This week’s theme was definitely self-discovery, or in less complicated terms, ME. I threw in some beautiful self-portraits that I’m particularly fond of and added a just gorgeous collection of colors to make some of my favorite pages of my journal thus far. Also, I was inspired by something I heard while driving in the car. A woman said, “I just want to hear you say that I am yours,” and my brain just went haywire after I heard that. Anyway let’s get to the page by page descriptions, but first…

What I was…
Watching: Practical Magic (1998), Hocus Pocus (1993), U.S. Open V. Williams vs. S. Williams, But I’m a Cheerleader (1999), Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)
Listening to: Lana Nicole Reiney discography, But I’m a Cheerleader soundtrack (OBSESSED!), Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion soundtrack, Dark Doo Wop (MsMr), Absolution (The Pretty Reckless), She’s a Witch 8-Track playlist (witchynbitdry)

This page was another experimental page. If you read my review on the DIY Alcohol Ink Spray, then you’ll know I made another two spray bottles of color and well…I let my creativity go wild on this page. I have to admit, I overdid it…a lot. I couldn’t really find a good balance between the colors. Maybe the paper is too thin or maybe it’s just me, but I created a really lovely color blend on an index card and I just can’t seem to recreate it on paper. It’s actually kind of frustrating.

As for the writing…I was watching Practical Magic. If you haven’t seen it, I’d definitely recommend it. Yes it’s a little corny, yes the plot is played out, but it has something magic in it (no pun intended). I just can’t get over how the women in the film are so close knit and really important to one another. You can immediately tell that the connection they have with one another comes before anyone else in their lives (besides their children) and I think that’s something you don’t see very often. Besides that, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are ABSOLUTELY STUNNING in this film.


The layout of these pages are pretty simple. As you can see the spray bled through the pages, but it created a really nice pattern so I’m not complaining. As for the picture, I just think it’s absolutely fantastical. It doesn’t even seem real to me, maybe it isn’t. I found it on Tumblr and could not stop thinking about it, so I printed it out and posted it in here. I used Sakura's Souffle pens to draw on top of it.  I think it blends well with what I was writing about since it seems like a scene from a dream. Speaking of what I was writing about…

I’ve been having dreams again. A lot of them. And I’ve been remembering them when I wake up, and one step further than that, I’ve been taking the time to write them down when they are still fresh in my mind. I really love looking back at the dreams that I had. It’s one of my favorite things about keeping a journal.



Now we move into a favorite of mine. For one, I love the way this pencil sketch came out. Will it fade with time, most likely, was pencil a bad idea, I’d say yes, but do I look lost in ecstasy, fuck yeah I do. And for that reason alone I will not be touching it.

As for the words…I was inspired by a YouTube video my parents were watching about the Corsican people (my dad’s family are originally from Corsica) and the video honestly broke my heart. They were conquered, their culture was nearly exterminated and there was war after war after war and to this day they struggle to gain control of their land. This made me think of my mom whose Native Hawaiian and how the Native Hawaiians were conquered, their culture was nearly exterminated, and they also struggle to gain control of their land. So with all this on my mind, I realized my existence is seriously a miracle and further I realized that I contain all the struggles of my ancestors. So what does this mean? That’s what I explored…



Moving on, these pages were pretty basic. I switched up the pen I used and splattered some gold oil paint on top the pages. Just a heads up DO NOT buy the Sharpie Paint Pens, yes they look amazing, but they will break within a couple uses. I swear I am seriously considering asking for my money back since Sharpie products are supposed to be satisfaction guaranteed and those pens weren’t cheap. Speaking of Sharpie products I used a Sharpie Calligraphy pen (which I love) to write the quote by Wayne Miller Landings. I found it on Tumblr and I have absolutely no idea what it means but I really liked it so I wrote it down.

Basically the writing is a bunch of scattered thoughts and more dreams. 


Okay things get a little weird with these pages, but first let’s move through the artsy part of these pages. I kept it basic with these pages and chose to paste a picture I took a couple months ago (I think…) of the clouds over my house. It’s actually a favorite of mine. Then I wrote over that with a fine liner Sharpie (wow I’m mentioning Sharpie products a lot, I swear I’m not sponsored by them. I only wish I was…).

Now let’s talk about the writing. Is this about basic white boys, well one in particular but the answer is yes. And I am extremely angered and embarrassed by this at the same time. I just have some history (and by history I mean I was friends with this dude when we were like six) with my neighbor and part of me cannot let it go. You know how you like carry around all this useless information about people you’re no longer friends with. Well that stuff has just been on my mind a lot since I moved back in with my parents and I just needed to let it all out and tell myself to wake the fuck up. So I did.


Cyborgs and extraterrestrials, let me introduce you to my favorite page of my journal (that’s right I’m saying it). If you follow me on Instagram or Tumblr (shameless plug) you would have seen a sneak peek at this page a couple of days ago. I just love everything about this page. For one, I actually had a color scheme, which NEVER happens, and two, I just really love the way this self-portrait came out. Starting with the self-portrait, I used my set of Spectrum Noir Markers (I'll link my review), my trusty Sakura Micron fine liner pens and my piece of shit Sharpie Paint Pens to create this masterpiece. For the background I used a set of pastel crayons that I got years ago at a GoodWill for like $2 I kid you not. For the text on the next page I actually used acrylic paint and a teeny tiny paint brush and though I really like the way it turned out, I hated how long it took to fill in that negative space.

As for the writing…I think it’s kind of self-explanatory but I’ll elaborate a bit. I’m an emotionally closed off person. I don’t like disclosing things about myself to people, especially people I don’t know (weird I know since I’m posting pages of my journal for complete strangers to read online.) I don’t know why I’m that way, I just am. Unfortunately, this makes me difficult to get along with (which isn’t really a problem with me), but more than that, I think it limits me from being really close to another person (which is kind of a problem with me). I’d like to be more open with people and so I’m trying to be more open and honest about myself, and let me tell you that shit is not easy.


Here’s another set of my favorite pages in this journal. Another self-portrait, but this time I used colored pencils and Micron pens (they’re my favorite). I have to say the shading on this piece really is spectacular even if I don’t think it looks like me that much (not as much at the previous self-portraits). For the background, I used those trusty pastel crayons again.

As for the writing…remember in the beginning when I mentioned hearing the woman in the car say “I just want to hear you say that I am yours,” well here’s the page where I just went off. Personally, I’ve never liked the idea that people are only half of a whole looking for their other half in their soul mates. Maybe it’s the emotionally closed off part of myself, but I don’t feel like half of a whole, and I sure as fuck don’t want to be “someone’s.” It just seems so possessive, you know what I mean. I think of myself as whole and as my own. I don’t need anyone to need me and I don’t need to need anyone. I have myself and for me, that’s enough.


These pages were straight writing. I didn’t feel like drawing and I had a lot to talk about. Mostly this is about my impending job interview on Tuesday which I am terrified about and the funny story about the call I got from Kohl’s for the interview. And then I start talking about the mountains of debt that I will spend the next ten years of my life (I pray to God that it’s less) paying off. You know just carefree fun girly things to talk about in my diary.

So what did you think? Did you have a favorite page? Are you also going to complain about the travesty that is Sharpie Paint Markers? Let me know!


Journal On,
X



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